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Archive for February 1st, 2011

Thought Patterns

After a few attempts at making a tasty green smoothie in the past few weeks, I found a winning recipe. I’m super excited because I was going to give up on them. I’m not going to force myself to eat things that aren’t satisfying because food should support both physical and mental health.

The recipe:

1 cup water

1/4 sliced frozen banana

1/2 cup frozen berries, plus a few pieces of frozen kiwi

1/2 scoop of chocolate protein powder

1/2 scoop of vanilla rice protein

small handful of greens (I used spinach)

The secrets are to keep the fruit frozen so that the smoothie is cold and thick, and to use a few different types of fruit to add flavor. I swear it tasted like a sweet chocolate milkshake. Yum =) I was also tempted to stick in a lot of greens in my first couple of tries, but I realize that health is more about consistency, and that a little each day will soon add up. The protein powders have me feeling really full and satisfied right now.

After my yummy breakfast, I felt good. I feel good about moving closer to taking better care of myself. I also felt proud of myself for successfully researching healthy food that can help me, getting the ingredients together, and making it taste great. I don’t know how many people can relate, but the sense of fullness and satisfaction that I’m feeling right now can only be compared to the way I feel on higher doses of antidepressants. They make my body and mind feel full and satisfied, kind of like the after effects of eating when you’re really hungry and you get weak because your blood sugar has dropped.

I’ve started a new practice that I picked up from Lynn over at The Actor’s Diet called the ‘artist pages’. It’s an idea that before that day starts, you get out a pen and paper and write down a few pages of all the thoughts going through your mind. It’s a way of getting them down so you can get them off your chest and focus on the day ahead. I found this really helpful and the ‘hamster wheel’ of thoughts in my mind has calmed down quite a bit.

I’ve also been listening to a podcast called How to Stop Worrying and Start Living and although I’m only a few chapters in I seem to be taking a lot out from it. The author recommends living in what he calls ‘daytime compartments.’ The story has something to do with a successful sailor-turned Nobel peace prize winning professor who started telling people to live in daytime compartments-a concept that he got from his sailing days when the boats would close off each of their furnace compartments to keep them water-tight (I think of the Titanic scene when all of the workers were trying to escape before the metal doors closed off everything, lol). The professor explains that as long as you can do this-focus on the task at hand and avoid wandering off into another compartment of worry-you can get through anything, and carry any kind of burden for the day. It makes a lot of sense.

I worry about so many things it’s not even funny…and I’m setting out to challenge all of the worries. In any given day, I’d say my worry pattern looks something like this:

Must I get out of bed now

I feel so tired

Maybe today will be the day I start making progress

Not really excited

Don’t really know what I should eat

Don’t want to check my phone for messages…

My skin

Oliver wants to go for a walk…

I’m glad my hair is getting better

What if the wind that hits my hair while I’m walking him somehow causes more damage

That’s highly unlikely, but it’s sticking up because there is breakage all over

I need it to grow out

Will it grow out?

My natural color is so dark and I don’t think I can feel pretty with my natural hair

I shouldn’t dye it though

I’ve gone through too much with it and once it is healthy and natural again I should be happy

I hope I can be happy with it

Maybe I can dye it when I know it’s super good and healthy

Just don’t it’s not worth it

I’m hungry

My stomach feels uncomfortable (most of the time-which has me thinking of my dietary choices and possible food sensitivities)

God please help me get through this

I’m not vain or ungrateful I swear

I just want to feel good and feel comfortable in my own skin

I need to do something to help myself

I miss my life

– – – – – – – — – – – – – – – — – – with the help of therapy, school and my new efforts to help myself

I feel pretty good

Everything will be okay

I really like the mornings

Yummy smoothie

My skin…will get better soon, and you’ll be able to do something about the scarring you’re fearful of

My hair…will eventually be healthy and glossy and you’ll probably be so relieved that you won’t care to put it at risk by dying it

Love this music

In half an hour I’ll start getting my Bio work done

I’ll take my Public Health quiz after lunch

Aw got a text from [insert good friend]. So thankful for good friends

This Egyptian revolution that’s unfolding is soo interesting…

I need to order new walking shoes since I’ve grown out my old ones, I’ll do it tonight

etc. etc

Please don’t judge me. This is all really personal stuff but getting it out there is part of challenging all of it…I’d say I’m more present in the moment and less fearful as of now. Cross my fingers I can continue to make progress.

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